I am the full moon hiding in broad daylight, waiting for you to notice me.
I am the gentle breath, moist at the back of your neck while you rest in the warm sun, listening as the hopeful surf crashes hard on the sand.
I am the neglected young poet, brash, full of candor bitterness and wit, waiting to slice you open, to turn you inside out with my double edged tongue.
I am the scent of linens laundered in a new soap fresh and crisp from having dried in the salty early morning air.
In order to motivate myself to start a daily private journaling habit, I will be engaging in a daily writing activity in connection with 750words.com. Simply put, I am committing to the December daily writing challenge of 750 words a day. I will likely complain about it here. Currently, my nameresides on the Wall of Shame. I am actually re-take the challenge in December. When I succeed in writing 750 words every day of the month, my name will be added to the Wall of Amazingness. And my name will be wiped off of the Wall of Shame.
In addition, I have optionally pledged to the following self-created rewards and punishments…
If I succeed, I will Treat myself to drinking a $20.00 bottle of wine at night instead of an under $10.00 bottle. Additionally I will have the added bonus of having at least enough fodder accumulated to create a few fictitious characters. That is obviously the main goal in inflicting myself with this daily task. If I miss one day or more, I will donate $15.00to help support 750 Words.
I will also berate myself for failing here, for all to read.
Well, seeing as I have not written a post here in quite some time, actually since we moved into this house, now is the time! My friend Lisa is teaching me Kundalini. I am forever a changed woman, and forever grateful to her. I have started reading The Artists way and am stalled at chapter 2. Monday begins Vivienne's online course, "You are your own Muse", and circular saws are blaring from the neighbors backyard excavation project. Olivia needs a haircut.
I sent the following quote to my husband, in an email yesterday. I thought it might help him to understand me better when I am feeling creative and inspired.
'It may also be that a woman's creative process is misunderstood or disrespected by those around her. It is up to her to inform them that when she has "that look" in her eyes, it does not mean she is a vacant lot waiting to be filled. It means she is balancing a big cardhouse of ideas on a single fingertip, and she is carefully connecting all the cards using tiny crystalline bones and a little spit, and if she can just get it all to the table without it falling down or flying apart, she can bring an image from the unseen world into being.'
~ Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Women Who Run With the Wolves
This was his thoughtful and eloquent response, "Me Tarzan, you Jane."
I think that pretty much explains our entire relationship!
On another note, I have fallen sadly behind on the photo a day Flickr group for Unravellers. I have not forgotten to take the photos, in fact I have more than enough for each day. I have just failed thus far at posting them to the group. I thought i would have time this week to post them, since the kids are out of school for "ski-week." But, the kids are out of school, which means that i have done alot of mommying and entertaining. So I have have many beautiful images of our daily excursions. Horseback riding, touring the San Juan Mission, park visits, shopping, lunch dates.....
I have been contemplating joining one of these Flickr groups for quite sometime. Finally, I am pleased to say that have now committed, and will be submitting a photo a day on my own Flickr photo stream, and also on the official group photo-stream Project 365! 2010. Right now there are over 100 members of the group. The goal is to shoot a photo a day, and as a record for the year. Plus, it keeps me motivated to vary the content of my photographs.
Maybe Jen Lee has the answers. Saddended and remorseful feelings cross over me, through me and they burn me, while listening to her podcast on sober hopefulness.
Shit, now I am depressed.
How will I tuck the girls into bed now and still keep a positive attitude.
I just sent the following email to Jen Lee, regarding my feelings: I did not know that was in there, in you, I mean.
You are touching my most secret unspoken about thoughts.
Why?
I am kind of irritated, not in the mood to confront my demons right now.
Why did you have to open that......
I am certainly feeling unsettled by your pod cast.
What are you going through?
Perhaps the same as me, but I am too weak
I am too proud
I am too fake
This is just my way of speaking out,and sorting things out. My musings, I am an eccentric Newport Beach housewife, probably born in the wrong era...a throwback to easier, more simple days, like when my Grammy was raising her kids. I love my wine while I cook, well, maybe a litttle more. I am constantly searching for answers. Maybe, just maybe, scrapbooking, knitting and crafting ARE the answers. You tell me.
"Remember... When we explore our creativity. when we listen to our creative voices. when we try something new. when we stretch ourselves. when we are full of bliss. when we share our happiness. when we reach out to others. when we seek to tell our story. when we grow. when we are brave. when we make time for ourselves. when we accept the heartache. when we learn from our mistakes. when we let ourselves shine. when we laugh out loud. when we let love in. when we REMEMBER to search with in ourselves that's when you find YOU" - Elizabeth Kartchner elizabethkartchner.blogspot.com
I am thinking that this beatuful girl has been in my brain. It is possible, in a quantum physics way.
Super looking forward to the Reflections event in MAy at the Hyat in NB!
I am so excited about our family photoshoot coming up next week. i rarely get to have my photo taken, since i am usually the one behind the camera. My friend, Anastasia is an amazing ARTIST. I am so honored that she is taking our photos!
http://www.anastasiapercell.net/
I read the guidebook and have listened to the mediation for the second time tonight. Tonight was special, though, because i listened to it with my 2 little minigoddesses 8 and 5 yrs old. We cried together over our wise old goddess holding our hands. Thank you . it was so moving. Tomorrow, me and my little angels are going to the beach to create our projects. We each have our ideas about the art we will create, which we envisioned from your meditation.
You are wise beyond your years. You are an old crone in a young body. You are so blessed and gifted. You gave me the words that I didn't know how to say to my darling little girls. i cannot thank you enough. Also, I met my old woman self for the first time in my life. Thank you for introducing us. She is beautiful and confident and peaceful. She is more than I have ever imagined. Words cannot describe.
Peace and blessings to you, Goddess Leonie.
Thank you for your gifts.
Love Jillian
This is my very first editorial for the elementary school newspaper. A little nervous to be honest in print, but, here goes!
If you had asked me when I was just a girl in Texas,"Will you join the PTA when you are a mother?" Most likely, I would NOT have responded enthusiastically.
PTA was pretty much snub-nosed in my home. My mother, Linda never had a chance to exert her own independence before I was born. She married young, 22 yrs old, and felt the need to exhume her rebellious, independent spirit at the same time as me...when I was in my early teens and she in her late 30's.
Oh, yes, it was so fun growing up in my house!
Today, I am 37. I am the mother of 2 tiny, amazing beings, Olivia (3rd grade) and Samantha (Kindergarten) I like to wear frilly, embellished aprons when I cook, and I wish I had time to scrapbook every single family memory.
Sometimes I find myself dreaming that we live on a farm with no tv, phone, internet, video games, materialism, etc....so we could just bake, make art, play in nature, giggle and smell like patchouli all day long.
Back to reality ...of course I enjoy material things. I just feel this longing and need to be part of the bigger picture, the more simpler picture, for those 2 small girls that my husband and I brought into this world.
I have enjoyed this happy, joyous, protected land of -----Elementary for the past 3 years. I want it to continue. I want it to be even better than it has been. Can you blame me? You love it here, too, don't you?
This newspaper is the place where your kids can publish their haikus, short stories and paintings. Proud moms, PLEASE send me your photos and article ideas
Come to the ------paper to find out what is going on and how to get involved.
Come to the next PTA meeting, share your amazing talents and gifts with our community.
You wont regret it, and your kids will love you for it.
Thank you for letting me share this school year with you, and for putting up with my soapbox!
Do you have something to say?
Email me!
I dare you.
Wow! i am blown away.
People blog, people i didn't even know about have been bloggeing for over a year! Who are we?
Who are you?
Do we really ever know anyone anyways????
Tonight we went out with new family friends to dinner. They are from Wales and I could just listen to them chat all night long! I decided to make time for my scrapbooking passion this evening, and so now find myself going to bed now at nearly midnight! Also, I enrolled in an amazing new inspiring course about being the goddess that I am. I can't wait, Leonie! Also, I just applied to be part of the Label Tulip Deign Team. I really , really, really hope they pick me! TGIF, and buenos noches! Hmmm, did I spell that right in espanol?
I am finally figuring out this back to school schedule. it goes like this: 7:00am wake up get kids dressed. Rush through breakfast and get to school on time. Go to school to take photos for the Lincoln Log (school newspaper). I am the reporter, photographer, editor.....Go to gym, squeeze in workout, pick up Samantha, get snack, pick up Olivia, get snack. Go to 2 soccer practices, come home make dinner, bathe kids. Feed bird and dog.
On my way to NMUSD duplication services to have the summer edition of the log printed.
No wonder I hardly have time to scrapbook anymore!
Rob is taking the girls camping this weekend to El Capitan. I will be here, taking care of the pets, and my PTa mom responsibilities began...I have to put together the entire elementary school newspaper for publication by Friday of next week. Also, I am team mom for Olivia's soccer team and need to get the banner ordered, snack schedule nailed out, patches ordered....also, I promised a friend I would make a wood box example for her blog as part of her design team. Samantha has her kindergarten "meet and greet' in the morning. I wish I could stop over-committing myself, and just breathe, in the moment. Just enjoy the present...am trying to "go gently", as Susannah has taught me. We had to resue Rob from the ER this morning. He also has overworked himself. So much so that his 5AM workout caused his bloodpressure to plummet and he passed out. He had an IVdrip for 4 hours this am. The girls and I experienced the Long Beach Emergency Room-super interesting. Heart attacks, kidneys stones, drug OD's all around. I guess I am happy in my quiet bubble of NB. I think we all need to realize that relaxing and meditation are equally as important as goals and financial success. It has certainly become my goal over the last few months, to try to be more awake in the moment and do what pleases my soul. I think Rob finally sees the light. This made him realize that he should stop saying "yes" so often, as well. Ahard thing to do, for us both.
I am so happy to have found this photo! I thought I lost it. Samantha was only 1 and a half. And now she is 5 and starting kindergarten in one week. I think I am freaking out. Time moves to quickly. I know I will cry next week on her first day. This was a really happy day at our home. It was Olivia's 4th birthday party. It was hot. Samantha was all red and sweaty. But she would not let go of that bucket, or take off those wings! My sweet little luv fairy.
I really want to go to this retreat in Manzanita, Oregon. i am working through my Unravelling e-course now. I will continue with part 2 which is offered in September. The Be Present Retreat seems like my next step in this self-discovery process. Some of the Unravelling has been difficult for me to conquer, like the family stuff. specifically my parents. Perhaps i will just ignore that for a while and do the next writing exercise. Or maybe I will just use a picture of my grandparents. In fact, there is one I stare at every day, right here on my bulletin board. it is of Irv and Jean walking down the aisle at my wedding. My maternal grandparents. jean was my maid of honor. In the back ground of the photo is Jude Morton, my uncle Bryan's wife. i love this photo of my grandparents. it makes me feel happy, nostalgic, a little teary for the sweet memory of that day. this photo reminds me of how i felt walking down the aisle, too. My dad was in more of a hurry than me, for some reason. I wanted to walk really slow and enjoy each breath. I was overwhelmed with emotion. i had to tell him to slow down. He didn't, though. Maybe he was nervous? I remember he also spilled a full glass of wine on me and didn't say he was sorry-all over my wedding dress. some friends from high school happened to be spying on my wedding. They were not invited, we had lost touch. They helped me dry it off in the ladies room. Funny what kind of memories surface from just one photo of my grandparents!
